A Black Woman Writes Lonely
“Saudade” (After “Scheherazade” by Richard Siken)
Tell me about the dream where we
drag our bodies out of the lake
and dress them in warm clothes again
how it was late, how tired we were
how we held onto each other and laughed
until we both forgot that we were
not things that were whole and worth loving
tell me about the tree
with its wiry roots
growing and growing
until they stop abruptly in the dirt
tell me how this a metaphor for us
and the mess we made of love
look at the light in my eyes
from the windowpane
look how happy
you make me
when you are not breaking me down
look at the sun setting
on another failed relationship
that means it’s morning now
all said and done
that means we’re inconsolable
tell me how all this,
and love too,
will ruin us
our bodies bending to the light
our hearts beating in the outstretched
palms
of our beloved
completely at mercy
tell me it will always sting
to know we aren’t
in love but desperately
want to remember
tell me how
brilliant we could have been
had we not let our cruelty
weigh us down
tell me we’ll
always have that river
that song playing
over and over
on the policeman’s radio
over and over again
tell me your heart
will always long for mine
but it will never be enough.
tell me
just tell me
how brave we were for trying.
*Saudade /souˈdäda/ found in Portuguese. Describes a deep emotional state of nostalgic or profound melancholic longing for an absent something or someone that one loves. Moreover, it often carries a repressed knowledge that the object of longing might never return. Often described as “the love that remains.” There is no direct translation in English.